Today's world is spinning faster than ever and it takes a lot to drown out the news and chaos around us. If you're anything like me, you work really hard to keep things in your home peaceful. I have read many books on how to Feng Shui my space and at the end of the day, for me it's about safety. I need to feel safe in my environment with those around me.
What does that mean to me at home?
I have 3 little kiddos so that means managing their frenetic energy. I have my diffuser running or candles burning, spa-like music playing, salt lamp lit. I also try to keep them playing with one toy at a time. That might sound restrictive but with 3 kids, multiple toys can easily create an environment of chaos. The moment someone starts fighting, we address it so screaming and tears can be avoided as often as possible. Respect is very important. Each one of us talks to each other with love and kindness; and when necessary, we give each other grace. Also, perfection does not exist. As a recovering perfectionist, this is hard to accept at times but as a mom, I realize I have to. If you are a parent and reading this, you know how hard it is to create a calm environment with kiddos. However, we do our very best. My children stumble and learn how to apologize and right their wrongs. Even my 2 year old understands the phrases "make it right" and "give your brother (or sister) grace". I too often fail as a mom and need to make amends at the end of the day, but I never stop trying to bring peace to our lives. Sometimes that also means family breathing exercises or yoga for kids. It's an ongoing learning process for the entire family.
The importance of having fun.
Managing the chaos is very important, but so is joy. If we aren't laughing and having fun, then my home doesn't feel safe. Instead, it feels cold and sterile. Hearing my babies giggle fills my cup immensely. This means, I have to turn off my technology and step away from my phone long enough to be present with them so we can laugh together. I am human and often get caught up in work deadlines, phone calls, meal planning or cooking. I try to remember to stop and be present with my children. Sometimes this can be the hardest challenge of my day. To stop checking off my to-do list and just be. We love to play games, read stories, tell jokes and have concerts or dance parties. Remember how freeing it felt to play as a child? Why not do it as an adult? Laughter can be incredibly healing.
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
~Mark Twain
Safety in my home is also created from the relationship between my husband and myself. If we are fighting or frustrated with one another, the children feel it and that stress carries over into our home environment. This is another area where perfection is never achieved, nor strived for. However, love is at the core of what keeps our relationship healthy - that and giving each other grace. Fortunately, my hubs and I are willing to grow and challenge each other into becoming better people and partners. I often tell him that he married someone who craves self-analysis and growth; and for that, he must do the same. Sorry, Babe! For this reason though, there is safety in our relationship. We can hold space for each other even in our darkest moments. We can laugh at the most inopportune times. I remember being sleep deprived in the early weeks of having our first child and laughing hysterically in the middle of the night between the tears of postpartum. These are the healing moments, folks. Also, it builds trust which leads to an immense feeling of safety. And when our children see us hugging each other or laughing together, they in turn feel safe as well.
What does it mean to find zen and feel safe in my life?
Outside of my home, I have less control over the chaos around me. However, I always have control over how I react to that chaos. Meaning, I can choose to calm my nervous system if I feel overwhelmed by outside influences. By utilizing tools like tapping, meditation and breathing exercises, I can find peace of mind anywhere. These are things that have taken time to learn and cultivate. Don't worry if techniques like tapping are foreign to you. You can start by just utilizing your breath - breath in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. Make sure you breathe through your nose. More on that in another blog post.
Another aspect of safety for me outside my home is the company I keep. This can be difficult to avoid in public settings like grocery stores and restaurants; however, when I feel more vulnerable I tend to pick locations that have good energy. What do I mean by that exactly? Have you ever walked into a cafe or someone's home and immediately you feel uneasy? For me, this often happens when I walk through large crowded stores like Ikea. No offense to the franchise, I love shopping there; but the experience itself can be overwhelming for me! Someone once taught me how to create a protective bubble around myself when in these situations. This also takes a lot of practice! I can honestly say that when I am doing the necessary spiritual work and my self-care is not lacking, I can walk into any environment and not be negatively affected by the energy. If this is something new to you, then a healthy step can be knowing when to leave an environment that isn't healthy for you. This can also happen when involved in a toxic conversation too. It is okay to make an excuse to get off the phone if your boundaries are being stepped all over. Your wellbeing is paramount.
So, what does all of this mean to you?
Have you ever taken the time to think about what makes you feel safe or at peace? Apart from physical safety, what can you do to maintain spiritual, mental and emotional states of zen? Perhaps this means prayer and going to church. I can truly relate if this is your number one go-to. Or, maybe you like lighting candles in your home. Or, having friends over for dinner or game nights adds to a calm environment. Maybe you visit yoga studios or soak up nature in the park to ease your mind. Only you can decide what makes your home peaceful and your life less chaotic. Jon Kabat-Zin speaks of the importance of mindfulness as a way to reduce stress and bring more calm to your life. Whatever it is that works for you, I encourage you to take out your journal and jot a few things down. Maybe try to implement one or two things on your list into your life on a weekly basis to add a bit more tranquility and calm to your life. And as always, take it easy on yourself. There's no such thing as perfection, so remember to give yourself grace.
xo, Kimberly
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